


Respectable Company

by blu_eyed_demon



Category: The Hobbit (2012), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: M/M, Missing Scene, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-09
Updated: 2013-01-09
Packaged: 2017-11-24 08:09:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/632285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blu_eyed_demon/pseuds/blu_eyed_demon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by a passage in the book in which Bilbo had to settle all the Dwarves to sleep in Bag End. Bilbo has trouble persuaded the dwarves to settle down to bed and then he loses Fili. Or was it Kili? </p><p>"The hobbit had to find room for them all, and filled all his spare-rooms and made beds on chairs and sofas, before he got them stowed and went to his own little bed very tired and not altogether happy."</p><p>Written in response to a prompt given by she-who-does-not-wish-to-be-named. My first attempt at a Tolkien fanfic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Respectable Company

**Author's Note:**

> Whilst the characters are not my own, this work is and I do not give permission for this work to be duplicated or posted anywhere else

Bilbo Baggins was doing his best to be a good host, something mightily difficult to do when you're in two minds. He was currently in the midst of turmoil as two fundamental instincts went to war within him. Two instincts that, as a respectable hobbit, he prided himself most on: the instinct to rid himself of such impropriety as this chaotic evening had proven to be and the opposing instinct to be a good and proper host. 

It was the latter instinct that won out since no matter how they had come to be in his home, the fact was that the dwarves had been well fed and well-drunk and Bilbo could not in good conscience deny them beds at such a late hour. Though he certainly did not consider any of the dwarves friends as such he had conceded that having now made their acquaintance he would certainly be prepared to nod and exchange 'how do you do's with each of them in the future. He certainly couldn't, therefore, turn them out on the doorstep no matter how much the adventure-fearing Baggins in him wished him too. Besides, it just wasn't the done thing to do. He was, at the very least, sparing the rest of Hobbiton (if not the entire Shire!) some fuss and bother by keeping the raucous Dwarves inside for as long as possible. 

And so it was this rationalisation that had Bilbo setting himself to the somewhat daunting task of bedding the dwarves for the night. It was not made daunting by a lack of space, Bag End was a family hobbit hole being lived in by only one after all and so there were a great many guest rooms and cosy corners for the entire company to rest their heads. No, it was not daunting from lack of space or blankets, rather it was because much like naughty little hobbit lads and lasses, the dwarves were still rather keen on staying awake much to poor Bilbo's exasperation. It was nearly impossible to settle them all in for sleep when they insisted on moving around and chatting and laughing and looking for more food (though they'd already stripped both the pantry and the larder completely bare!) which hindered Bilbo's task considerably and made the already tired and put upon Hobbit rather irritable.

He turned to ask the dwarf that he had only just finally gotten settled if he required another blanket only to find the little sofa empty except for pillows and blankets. 

“Well, really!” He groaned with more than a touch of annoyance. He'd thought he'd finally gotten number five settled but, of course, that would have been too kind on him, wouldn't it? “Fili? Kili?” Because he wasn't completely certain which one it had been. They had, after all, spent much of the evening together being referred to as a unit and Bilbo had had 13 new names and faces thrown at him that day. Now, who was who again? He really wasn't sure.

An unexpected chuckle caused him to whip around again. 

“Yes?” Was asked perhaps a little too sharply. Bilbo's patience was wearing thin again, not that it seemed to trouble any of his uninvited guests any. 

“He went thatta way.” A finger pointed down the hall. A finger belonging to Bofur, Bilbo thought though couldn't be absolutely sure. 

Setting off after the wayward dwarf, Bilbo grumbled to himself all the way down the corridor which only served to make him even more bad tempered than before. This would not do at all. The missing dwarf had apparently headed down towards the rooms where Bilbo had only just persuaded some of the others to go to bed. 

He suddenly now found he had infinite sympathy for the hobbit women with large broods of young children, how they did this on a nightly basis he could not imagine. This, he was sure, was certainly enough excitement and adventure for one hobbit to bear. 

He found the door of his second best guest room (the best guest room having of course gone unchallenged to Thorin) open as Balin let himself back into the room with a mug of water and hummed softly to himself. In the other bed now lay both Fili and Kili though Bilbo still hadn't worked out a way to decide which was which. There really were far too many names about for one little hobbit to handle. 

“I have a perfectly serviceable number of beds and sofas.” Bilbo sniffed irritably with a distinct air of insult. His sense of pride as a host was stung just a little. He could quite easily, with a touch of creativity, house all of the company quite comfortably without forcing anyone to share. This assumption on their part simply made him look bad as a host. 

“Ah fret not, Master Burglar.” Balin smiled quite kindly, moving back over to the door in order to not disturb the only recently sleeping dwarves. “The younger are used to making room for their elders, especially when Bombur is present.” His eyes twinkled with amusement as he leant against the doorway. “They're perfectly used to it, there's no insult intended I assure you.”

“Harumph.” Bilbo grumbled again before adding “That bed really isn't even built for two Hobbits let alone two dwarves, you know.” And they weren't exactly the calmest of the dwarves. Bilbo had found from the brief moments of conversation he had had with them that they seemed to be rather young dwarves in comparisons to most of the others present. In fact he believed they were the equivalent of hobbit tweens: neither children nor adults and yet still completely capable of behaving like both at any given moment. After that blasted song about breaking his crockery, Bilbo really didn't put is past them to start jumping on the bed or something equally ridiculous if they woke during the night. 

“And those sheets are irreplaceable. My grandmother Laura Grubb hand-”

“What is this commotion? Did we not agree upon an early night?” Thorin had emerged, apparently he had been preparing for bed since most his layers of leather and furs had been discarded. 

“Our esteemed Mr Baggins here seems to be concerned that your nephews sharing a bed will result in his grandmother's bed linen being disgraced!” Explained Bofur's gleeful voice from behind Bilbo with such a lewd implication to his tone that the Hobbit immediately flushed bright red. 

Balin and Thorin's gazes seemed to bore into Bilbo as he spluttered more than a little. He certainly had not been implying anything as untoward as that! Accusations of that sort certainly didn't belong in polite company. 

“Is that so?” Thorin's voice was significantly calmer than Bilbo had expected. Having only now realised that Fili and Kili where in fact Thorin's sister-sons, he'd feared that Bofur's assumptions would have caused his guest some offence. Thankfully however, Thorin seemed rather unfazed by the allegation. 

The dwarven leader glanced through the open door and Bilbo's eyes automatically followed. The darker, unbearded tween dwarf was snoring quiet peacefully. The kind of snore that one only has when one has overindulged a little in the drink. There had been an awful lot of ale being passed around that night and perhaps, being younger dwarves, they had partaken in a little more than they could cope with. It would certainly explain as to why they were now seeming to be sleeping peaceful whilst most of the company were still as rowdy as they had been all night.

“I-I-I assure you I certainly was not implying such a-an insulting and slanderous thing as that! Especially between brothers, I was not trying to insult you or your family. I – was merely trying-I mean to say-” Bilbo spluttered even more, his face growing even redder as Bofur continued to chuckle at his expense and Balin's twinkling gaze remained fixed upon him. 

The very idea of the matter currently being discussed was embarrassing enough for poor old Bilbo Baggins without adding the obvious amusement of the other dwarves to the situation.  
He was a far too respectable a hobbit to have even considered such an untoward and altogether unsettling relationship to exist between two brothers. Two princling brothers who were also his guests, indeed! 

In fact beyond the two dwarven boys currently sleeping in the little hobbit bed, Bilbo had never even given a single thought to the idea of two males doing, well, that sort of thing before. Things like that simply didn't happen in Hobbiton. 

“Your sheets will remain unsullied, Master Baggins.” Thorin's voice broke Bilbo's inner-monologue to inform him as he turned back towards the best guest room.

“They are perfectly safe from my kin. Rest assured they've drunk far too much of your good ale to be able to get it up tonight at all.” He finished before the door closed behind him. 

Bilbo's eyes widened and his mouth dropped open in shock at the startling revelation spoken with such a matter-of-fact air. 

Bofur gleefully patted him on the back adding “Besides they'd be far too scared of Balin waking and catching them. It's rather sweet, the lads honestly think they're being subtle and that we have no idea at all!” 

Bilbo for a moment imitated a fish in the way his mouth open and closed while his brain failed to provide him with adequate words to deal with the matter at hand. With one final startled expression at both Balin and Bofur, who was still shaking with mirth, Bilbo marched back down the corridor as he shook himself firmly. He had to be a good host no matter the quality of guest he had been provided with, after all. 

Throwing himself fully into the task of ensuring that Dori, Nori and Ori were all settled down separately and comfortably with enough blankets and pillows, he tried to ignore the fact that his face continued to burned bright red at the thought of, well, at the thought of that sort of funny business. 

If this was the beginning of an adventure, he decided, he was certain it was an adventure he wanted no part of. In fact the sooner the dwarves left Bag End and he could rejoin respectable company once more, the better!


End file.
